There was silence for a few seconds, and Miss Richards felt saddened, but then one boy raised his hand.

The cautious captain of a small ship had to go along a coast with which he was unfamiliar, so he tried to find a qualified pilot to guide him. He went ashore in one of the small ports where his ship stopped, and a local fisherman pretended that he was one because he needed some money. The captain took him on board and let him tell him where to steer the ship.

After half an hour the captain began to suspect that the fisherman did not really know what he was doing or where he was going so he said to him, "Are you sure you are a qualified pilot?

"Oh, yes," answered the fisherman. " I know every rock on this part of the coast." Suddenly there was a terrible tearing sound from under the ship. At once the fisherman added, "And that's one of them."

Advanced--10
A lot of people go to the seaside for their holidays, and the various towns try to organize entertainment for them. In one seaside holiday town in the south of England, arrangements were made for a band to play outdoors in a public park every evening for a week. Unfortunately it rained the first evening, and although the band performed well, there was only one person in the audience because, although the band was under cover, the audience were not.
The man was sitting in a chair, wearing a waterproof hat and a coat. After an hour, the conductor of the band went to this man and inquired whether he had a special request.
"Yes, I have," said the man. "Please finish as soon as you can. I'm the keeper of this park, and I want to lock the gates and go home."

Advanced-11 :
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. He had never seen them before, so he began: "My name is Stone, and I'm even harder than stone, so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble. Don't try any tricks with me, and then we'll get on well together."

Then he went to each soldier one after the other and asked his name. "Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly," said, " and don't forget to call me "sir".

Each soldier told him his name, until he came to the last one. This man remained silent, and so Captain Stone shouted at him, "When I ask you a question, answer it ! I'll ask you again : "what's your name, soldier ?"

The soldier was very unhappy, but at last he replied. "My name's Stonebreaker, sir." he said nervously.

Advanced-12 :

An old admiral was famous in the navy for his bad temper, so everyone tried hard not to annoy him. One week his ships were going to take part in a big international exercise, so he came on board in the evening, had his dinner and then went to bed. In the morning he had his breakfast early, came up to the bridge and examined the ships in his group carefully. Then he said angrily,

"There should be two cruisers in this group, but I can only see one.Where's the other ?" No one dared to answer, and this made the admiral even angrier. His face became redder and redder.

"Well ?" he shouted. "What are you fools hiding from me ? Where's the second cruiser ? What's happened to it ? Answer me !"

At last a young sailor found enough courage to speak.

"Please, sir," he said, " you are on it"

Advanced-13 :

Miss Jones teaches mathematics at a school. In one of her classes, the boys and girls are about eight years old, and they are not very good at arithmetic. Miss Jones always tries to make the work interesting and amusing as well as useful.

One day she gave them a question : "If you go to the market to buy vegetables," she said, "and a carrot and a half cost twelve pence, how much will you have to pay for a dozen carrots?"

The pupils began to write in their exercise-books, and for a long time nobody spoke. Then one boy put his hand up and said, "Could you repeat the question, please, Miss ?"

The teacher began, "If a carrot and a half-", but the boy interrupted her.

"Oh, a carrot and a half ?" he said. "All this time I've been trying to work it out in cabbages, Miss"

Advanced-14 :

When Mr Andrews left university, he got a good job in a big oil company, but after he had been there for a few years, he decided that he would like a change. He also wanted to get a more important position, so that he could get more money, and perhaps also do more interesting work, so he put and advertisement in several newspapers, saying what experience he had had, describing the kind of job he had at that time and the kind he would like to have.

One of the answers he received was from another man who was looking for a job too. This man wrote to him, "Dear Sir, When you get a new job, please be kind enough to give my name and address to your present employer, as I have been trying to find a position like yours for a long time."

Advanced-15 :

Mary was a university student. She did not have very much money, and her parents were not rich, but she had an uncle who had been fortunate enough to collect great wealth. He had no children, and Mary was his favourite niece, so he always gave her valuable Christmas and birthday presents.

When her Uncle George's birthday came round, Mary wanted to buy him something really special, but because he was so wealthy, she did not know what to get him. She went into the best shop in her town and explained what her problem was to one of the helpful young shop assistants.

Finally Mary said to her, "I suppose this isn't the first time anybody has come to you with this problem. What do you have for someone who's already got everything he wants or needs ?"

The girl sighed deeply and answered, "Envy. Only envy."

Advanced-16 :

Miss Richards was a teacher at a school for boys and girls. She taught chemistry and physics from the lowest to the highest classes in the school. Sometimes the new classes learnt rapidly, but sometimes they were slow, and then Miss Richards had to repeat things many times.

One year, the first class had been studying chemistry for several weeks when Miss Richards suddenly asked, "What is water ? Who knows ? Hands up !"

There was silence for a few seconds, and Miss Richards felt saddened, but then one boy raised his hand.

"Yes, Dick ?" said Miss Richards encouragingly. He was not one of the brightest children in the class, so she was glad that he could answer.

"Water is a liquid which has no colour until you wash your hands in it, Miss. Then it turns black, the boy replied with great confidence.

Advanced-17 :

While Mrs Edwards was in town one Saturday, she saw a crash in an avenue : two cars ran into each other. The drivers got out, and an argument arose between them, but then a policeman arrived. He asked the drivers what had happened, and then he turned to the crowd which had collected round and said, "Did anyone see the accident?" Several people said they had, and Mrs Edwards was one of

Them.

A week later she was asked whether she was willing to be a witness in a court case concerning the accident, and she said she was; and a month later, a lawyer was questioning her in court. She began everything with, "I think that...," until the lawyer got angry and said, "You're not here to say what you think: you are here to say what you know."

"I'm sorry," objected Mrs Edwards, "but I'm not a lawyer, so I can't say things without thinking."

Advanced-18 :

During World War Two, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I'm going abroad tomorrow, but I'd be very happy if we could write to each other. "Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.