Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, "I've come to visit Captain Humphreys."

"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

"Oh, that's all right," answered Joan. "I'm his sister."

"I'm very pleased to meet you," the matron said,"I'm his mother !"

Advanced-19 :

Mrs Black was old and rich. She lived in a splendid house and owned a lot of valuable things. Then she died, and there was a big funeral. Notices were sent out to relatives and friends, and they came from far and near to attend the funeral.

The service took place in Mrs Black's old church, and then her body was taken back to be buried in a special place in her garden. The hearse carrying her body moved along slowly, followed by the relatives and friends, the women and children in cars, and the men on foot.

One of Mrs Black's cousins saw a poorly dressed man following the hearse and crying bitterly. The cousin said to him kindly, "Were you a relative of the dead woman too?"

"No," the man answered.

"Then why are you crying?" the dead woman's relative asked.

"That's exactly why I'm crying," the poorly man answered.

Advanced-20 :

It was very difficult to find jobs in the north-east of England, and when John lost his, he found it impossible to get a new one. He had soon spent all his money, so he decided to go down to the south of the country, where he had heard that things were better, and that it was easier to find work. The best way to go was by train, so he went to the railway station and got into a train which was going to London.

He was the only passenger in his compartment when another man burst in carrying a gun and said to him, "your money, or your life!"

"I haven't got a penny,"John answered in fright.

"Then why are you trembling so much?" the man with the gun asked angrily.

"Because I thought you were the ticket collector, and I haven't even got a ticket," answered John.

Advanced-21 :

Mr Grey liked shooting very much, but he did not get much practice at shooting wild animals, and he was not very good at it. One of his troubles was that his eyes were not very good and he had to wear glasses. When it rained and his glasses got wet, he could not see very well.

One day he was invited to go out shooting bears in the mountains. It was rather a rainy day, and by mistake Mr Grey shot at one of the other hunters and hit him in the leg.

There was a court case about this, and at it the lawyer for the other man said, "Why did you shoot at Mr Robinson ?"

Mr Grey answered, "I thought that he was a bear."

"When did you realize that you were wrong?" the lawyer asked.

"When the bear began to shoot back at me," Mr Grey answered.

Advanced-22 :

Army camps always have to be guarded, of course, to make sure that nobody goes in or out without permission, otherwise soldiers could go out when they were not supposed to, and anybody could come in at any time and cause all sorts of trouble.

There is usually a guard composed of several soldiers at each gate, and the men in the guard take turns to stand at the gate with a gun and stop everyone who wants to go in or out to see their passes. The man on guard is told to say, "Halt! Who goes there?" if anyone comes towards

The gate.

A soldier was guarding the gate of a camp at night when he heard a sound in the dark. "Halt! Who goes there?" he shouted nervously.

"Nobody," a voice answered.

The soldier thought for a few seconds and then said, "Well-is there anyone with you?

Advanced-23 :

Joe and Helen Mills had two small children. One of them was six, and the other was four. They always resisted going to bed, and Helen was always complaining to Joe about this, but as he did not come home from work until after they had gone to bed during the week, he was unable to help except at week-ends.

Joe considered himself a good singer, but really his voice was not at all musical. However, he decided that, if he sang to the children when they went to bed, it would help them to relax, and gradually they would go to sleep.

He did this every Saturday and Sunday night until he heard his small son whisper to his younger sister, "If you pretend that you're asleep, he stops!"

Advanced-24 :