Chapter 23
The day of Sinclair's get-together dawned bright and sunny. She woke up with butterflies in her belly after she turned over and noticed that Hunter was gone. During the night, her lover had simply held her, breathing with her until the first trickles of light began to leak across the horizon. Sinclair had felt her pull away but instantly fell back into sleep even before the window slid open to let her out. Now, finally awake, she hated the cold spot next to her, and wished that Hunter had stayed.
She left the bed for a shower, staying under the lukewarm spray until her skin pruned and the water turned cold. Nikki knocked on the bathroom door and came in, still in her night clothes, to talk. She stayed in the bathroom when Sinclair left to get dressed. Xavier was excited, chattering about the coming backyard cookout to anyone who would listen. He tugged Sinclair's skirt as soon as she stepped out of the bedroom, asking if Hunter was coming. When she told him yes, he bounded off, even happier, to get something that he'd made in school for his friend.
Her father asked if she was OK. She reassured him, but could not reassure herself as she wandered through the day in a daze, appetite set on ravenous, but being unable to focus on anything except the floating feeling inside her. It wasn't pleasant.
When the time came for the party, she showered and changed again, was prepared to be social and gregarious and charming, because this was the last time she'd see all these people in the same place again. Della came first, floating up the walk in something light and gauzy that made her look like a mother sex goddess. She greeted Sinclair with lavish kisses and extravagant compliments on her appearance and on how much Sinclair's visit had meant to her.
Hunter and Xavier walked into the backyard together, giggling at some shared joke. Lydia came in behind them. Sinclair embraced her sister, touched her hair and face for what she felt might be the last time, then greeted her lover with a fierce hug. Hunter felt her tremble and held on tight, whispering Sinclair's name. This wouldn't be the last time for them, she reassured her.
With the fire lit and blazing high, everyone gathered around laughing and eating. They pulled Sinclair into a circle of warmth and love. Her father talked to her quietly by the fire as they watched Nikki and Xavier play, darting through the trees like moths with the firelight flickering over them. Soon Della joined their play, then Hunter. Victor laughed, saying that he didn't know that he'd invited big children to the cookout, but it was a joy to see them play. Sinclair wanted to join them, but she couldn't. Her spirit was too heavy. Lydia and Della circled each other like wary piranhas, but managed not to shed any blood. Hunter rewarded them with frequent shouts of her laughter and teasing conversation that drew everyone in and made them forget about their differences for a while.
People were slow to leave. They ate and played long after the fire dimmed, moving to the verandah to finish whatever games they had gotten started. Sinclair drank her carrot juice, rolled its milky sweetness over her tongue, and watched them. When it was time to go, she said long goodbyes. She held on to Della's hand, to Lydia's, and to Hunter's for as long as they let her before they slid beyond the myrtle trees and out the gate.
After her family retired for the evening, she lingered in each room, touching everything with her eyes and fingertips, stretching out the moment before she, too, had to rest. Then, it was three in the morning. Then four. Then five. Her body got tired. She climbed into the bed, turned to the cold spot where she wished Hunter's body was then, finally, drifted into a light sleep.