Thirty-nine. Sephy

 

Russell's was the first Nought club I'd ever been to. We entered the place – through the front door – to be greeted by one of the broadest, strongest women I'd ever seen. She wasn't fat as such, more built like a armoured truck. She had dyed red hair and must've put on her make-up with a trowel 'cause it was that thick.

'How d'you do?' I said, offering her my hand.

'My! Aren't you polite?!' the woman laughed. 'How do you do yourself. I'm Alice.'

And she gave me a bear hug that crushed my ribs and left me in quite a lot of pain. I tried for a smile, afraid to open my mouth again for fear I might give her something else to laugh at.

'Let me warn all of you, the crowd tonight is a little rowdy,' said Alice, turning to the others. 'We've got a couple of birthday parties in, plus a hen night.'

'A hen night. Oh no!' groaned Jaxon.

At my look of confusion, Alice told me, 'Hen nights are the worst. I can deal with men who get out of line but even I can't cope with the women. I have to call in my bouncers.' She turned to Jaxon and the others. 'You're all in for quite a time.'

For one brief second I thought, I hoped she was joking. The look on the guys' faces said otherwise.

'Great,' Sonny growled. 'Just great.'

'Hey!' said Alice. 'That's why you earn the big dosh!'

Sonny just snorted at that.

We were escorted through the club and to the changing room. The place had a different odour to the Dew Drop Inn. Russell's reeked with the sweetish smell of beer and the sharp catch of cigarette smoke and other less legal aromas. I looked around the club, which was already three quarters full even though it'd only been open for about half an hour, and my heart sank. I was the only Cross in the place and I stuck out like a throbbing thumb. At least there had been Nought staff in the Dew Drop Inn, so that Jaxon, Rhino and Sonny wouldn't feel totally isolated. OK, so the Noughts were waiters and serving behind the bar but at least they had been present. In this place, it felt like all eyes were upon me and I could feel myself getting hotter and more uncomfortable.

'What's she doing in here?'

'Who's the dagger?'

A number of the comments being made about me reached my ears. Goodness only knew what was being said that I couldn't hear.

'Are you the dance act then?' called out one woman as we walked past.

'Don't you wish!' Jaxon shot back.

'You look like you're hiding something.' A nought man looked me up and down as I walked past him. 'How about if I stop and search you?'

A few catcalls and whistles began to follow us across the floor. I was already nostalgic for Meggie's armchair in front of the TV. We entered a small room with PRIVATE on the door. It was in between the men's and women's toilets, which were already smelling pretty ripe. Alice led the way into the private room first and we all trooped after her. I looked for somewhere at least screened off where I could change. There was nothing. Six chairs, a wall mirror, a lino-covered floor, a dangling light bulb and a box of tissues on the shelf-like table beneath the mirror – that was it. Not even a fan heater to take the chill off the place or a lampshade over the bulb. That would teach me. I should've worn the outfit I wanted to perform in to the club, but I had thought, facilities-wise, this one would be on a par with the Dew Drop Inn. It wasn't even close.

'You're the warm-up act for tonight so you're on in five minutes – and you'd better be good.' The last was said directly to me.

And if I was nervous before, it was nothing compared to just how sick I now felt. Every nerve clanged and jangled like a bad orchestra warming up. I'd been anxious in the Dew Drop Inn but when they wouldn't let us in the front door, my anger had taken over and got me through my one song. But that wasn't the case now. As I watched Alice leave, I half wanted her to turn round and say something to piss me off. At least then, I'd have something more than this feeling of panic to concentrate on. But she just headed straight out of the door without so much as a backwards glance. The moment Alice left the room I turned to Jaxon, Sonny and Rhino.

'Where am I supposed to change?'

'At home?' Sonny ventured.

I glared at him. 'I'll remember that for the next gig, but in the meantime?'

'In here, with us then,' Jaxon said impatiently.

'I'm not showing you three what I haven't got,' I protested.

'Then what would you suggest?' asked Sonny.

I was about to propose that they turn their backs or maybe leave the room, but I could imagine how that one would go down.

'I'll go and change in the toilets,' I said with a sigh.

Gathering up my small holdall, I headed out of the room. I felt like saying that Sonny, Rhino and Jaxon should've been the ones to leave the room, not me. But there was more chance of blue snow falling in summer than that happening. I walked into the women's toilets deep in my own thoughts. So I didn't realize I had company until a bony finger prodded my shoulder blade. I spun round.

It was Amy, the singer with the band before I arrived. She'd followed me in. And from the look on her face she was after blood. My blood.

'You think you're real slick, don't you?' Amy told me.

I didn't answer. Instinct told me to keep my mouth shut.

'You think Jaxon cares about you? He's only using you so that the band can play in Cross clubs. You're just his meal ticket.'

Well, I already knew that. If Amy thought I was going to get all worked up over that fact then she about to be very disappointed.

'And he reckons you'll be easy to get into bed,' Amy continued, when I still didn't speak. 'You've been to bed with one nought so what difference would another one make? You obviously like your meat rare – that's what he said.'

Which was so ludicrous I almost laughed out loud. I didn't much care if Jaxon said it or if Amy was making it all up but I didn't like the look on Amy's face when she saw she wasn't getting to me. I took a quick look around. Amy and I were alone, worst luck. Mind you, in this place I couldn't guarantee that I'd have too many allies. I was sure Amy wasn't the only Nought in the place ready to kick my butt.

'You lot make me sick.' Amy came closer so that she sprayed my face with saliva when she spoke. 'Our club, our music and you're still in here trying to take it over. I should be with the band, not you.'

I wanted to tell her to take it up with Jaxon. I wanted to tell her to back off and leave me alone. But I said nothing, sensing that she had a lot to get off her chest. Why had she picked me instead of Jaxon to have a go at though? Maybe because I was the softer target. Maybe she thought I'd care more or that she'd be able to get through to me.

Or just get to me.

'You make me more than sick,' she repeated.

'Look, Jaxon asked me to sing with the band, not the other way round.'

'You could've said no. You should've,' Amy shot back. 'You don't belong here. And you certainly don't belong with the band. I don't know what Jaxon sees in you.'

I frowned, not happy with the way she was making it seem like there was something more between Jaxon and me than a business relationship.

'Jaxon likes the way I sing. That's it. End of story. Bye bye. See you later,' I told her.

'Yeah, right,' Amy scoffed. 'We both know it's just a matter of time before you end up in his bed. From what I've heard you don't mind a bit of slumming. You were with that terrorist Callum McGregor, weren't you? Even I wouldn't crawl into bed with someone from the Liberation Militia.'

Enough was enough.

'If you've finished, I need to get changed,' I told her.

She glared at me, hatred personified, and I knew the split second before she did it what she was about to do. She pounced. There's no other way to describe it. She jumped at me, ready to scratch my eyes clean out of their sockets.

But that wasn't going to happen.

I raised my right arm to block her hands and shoved her to one side. A few years earlier, I'd been jumped in the girls' toilets at my school and had the crap beaten out of me. After that I swore no one would ever do that to me again. Ever. And I meant it. Amy fell against the wall, then turned and was stupid enough to come at me again. I twisted my body round so that I was sideways on to her and she'd have less of a target before directing my fist down and out. I connected with her stomach and sent her crashing backwards. She lay sprawled on the ground, dazed.

'I'd quit whilst you're behind if I were you,' I told her quietly. 'Because I'm not going to let you lay one finger on me. That's not going to happen.'

'You'll be . . . sorry,' Amy coughed. 'If it's the last thing I do I'll make sure you're sorry.'

I sighed inwardly. Was I ever going to get through one of these gigs without someone threatening me? It certainly hadn't happened so far. Amy got to her feet and stumbled out of the room, just as two other Nought women walked in. They looked me up and down before heading into the two toilet cubicles.

I pulled off my T-shirt, unzipped my holdall and pulled on my shirt in double-quick time before anyone else could interrupt me. I was just buttoning it up when one of the Nought women emerged from the cubicle. But instead of washing her hands, she leaned against one of the two sinks watching me.

I carried on buttoning up my blouse. The other Nought flushed the loo and came out of her cubicle. She washed her hands, shaking her head at her friend. I picked up my holdall and headed out of the door, making sure that I didn't hurry or look in any way flustered – even though my stomach was turning over inside me. I had my hand on the door marked PRIVATE when the others trooped out.

'Let's do this,' said Jaxon.

'Is five minutes up already?' I groaned. Just a minute's peace to collect my thoughts would've been welcome.

'Are you OK?' Sonny asked.

'Why?'

'You look a little . . . flustered,' said Sonny.

At that, Jaxon peered at me anxiously.

'I'm fine,' I told him.

''Course you are. It's show time,' Jaxon told me with an inane, show-business grin on his face.

I glanced up at Sonny. A slight frown turned down his lips as he regarded me. I turned up my lips to resemble some kind of smile. He didn't say anything but I could sense he wasn't convinced. I threw my holdall across the room and headed out after them. The guys looked relatively relaxed. But then they would. They weren't the ones being glared at and assaulted in the toilets before even one note was played. I was about to be greeted by an audience full of malice. Something told me this wasn't going to be the best night of my life.