Mother-teenager situation Self-determination 2 страница
She desperately wanted the role of Eva Peron in the film Evita, so she showed director Alan Parker she was the perfect choice by adopting an uncanny resemblance to the Argentinian president’s wife.
Madonna has always been a brilliant consolidator of trends, picking up on an existing look and making it her own. When she first bounced into the charts in 1984 with hits such as Holiday, it was as a trashy punk with torn tights and big bangles.
Material Girl in 1985 was not just a clever pastiche on Marilyn Monroe’s Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best friend. The platinum blond hair, furs and glitzy jewellery she wore for the video so entranced actor Sean Penn that he was determined to have her. Another example of Madonna dressing for results.
By 1989, when her marriage to Penn formally ended, she had already moved on and was involved with Warren Beatty. For a short time, she dressed like the gangster’s moll she played in their joint movie venture, Dick Tracy, in which she played Breathless Mahoney … a role she took so seriously that she was prepared to put on weight for it.
When the Beatty romance ended, she turned to Jean-Paul Gaultier for space-age outfits with tight corsets and menacing conical bra tops.
At the 1995 MTV Music Video Awards she adopted the Brigitte Bardot look with black eyeliner and loose hair falling over her shoulders.
When Madonna was expecting her daughter, Lourdes, in 1996 she completely vanished from view. It wasn’t until Lourdes was nine months old that she emerged as Earth Mother, wearing pretty dresses and hardly any make-up.
Then at forty, she move into the Indian mystic phase … and nine months later her hair, which has been almost every colour under the sun, is now back to its natural dark brown, cut in a bob.
What has drawn Madonna to the persona of the geisha, one of the most notorious symbols of pre-feminist woman, virtually imprisoned in the service of men?
Only time will tell, but one thing is certain … this geisha is being used in the service of only one person. Madonna herself.
[B].Answer the questions
1. Why might it be surprising to see Madonna posing as a geisha girl?
2. Why shouldn’t you take Madonna at face value?
3. Why does Madonna keep reinventing herself?
4. What is the real reason for Madonna’s geisha look?
5. How did Madonna get the part of Eva Peron in the film Evita?
6. How does Madonna ‘consolidate trends’?
7. What helped Madonna attract her first husband, Sean Penn?
8. Why did Madonna put on weight for the film Dick Tracy?
9. How many more times has Madonna changed her image since Dick Tracy?
10. Which of these words does not describe Madonna: scheming, intensely clever, innocent, complex, calculating, ambitious?
What is your opinion of Madonna?
[C].Complete the following statements using words from the text about Madonna. Are any of these statements true for you?
1. I usually take people at _____ value and then regret it.
2. I have no _____ ambitions, but I’d quite like to earn a lot of money.
3. I have an amazing _____ for wasting time, particularly when I need to do something urgently.
4. I’m always disappointed when I see a film _____ of a novel I’ve read.
5. When I was at school I _____ my work very seriously.
6. I’ve recently _____ a new look.
[D].Complete the following sentences using the words from the text
consolidate uncanny subservient
pastiche submissive feisty
1. Umberto Uco published an amusing seven-page _____ of Nabokov’s Lolita entitled Granita.
2. The hero, Danny, bears an _____ resemblance to Kirk Douglas.
3. Her willingness to be ______ to her children isolated her.
4. At 66, she was as _____ as ever.
5. Most doctors want their patients to be ______ .
6. Brydon’s teammate Martin Williamson ______ his lead in the National League when he won the latest round.
Task 16.Read the description of personality types. Then match these jobs with one or more of the personality types. Give reasons for your choices.
a counsellor a dancer an accountant a scientist
a gambler a civil servant a librarian a racing car driver
an inventor a mathematician an author a social worker
TROUBLESHOOTERS must be free. They cannot be confined for too long. They do what they want and when they want. In fact, they are compulsive ‘doers’. A Troubleshooter is only defeated temporarily. They have high tolerances for discomfort, fatigue and pain. And they are courageous. They need jobs that involve action. Troubleshooters see the world as it is. They don’t rely on other people’s policies and guidelines to solve problems. Instead, they make up their own.
STABILIZERS give a good day’s work for a good day’s pay. They can be counted on to do the right thing at the right time. They want to be useful to society. Stabilizers are not dependent on others. They are givers not receivers. They accept responsibility easily and will finish a job even if they are over-loaded with work. Stabilizers look on change with caution and suspicion and believe it is better when change happens slowly rather than suddenly.
ANALYSTS strive to do things well and are the most self-analytical of all the personalities. They are always trying to improve, monitoring their progress and checking their skills. They are perfectionists who become tense when they are under too much stress. Analysts listen closely to new ideas and can change easily as long as it makes sense. The Analyst is never willing to repeat an error, and once they master a skill, they move on to something else.
SEEKERS hunger to have an identity that is uniquely their own. They want to make a difference, and their contributions must be recognized and appreciated. They are attracted to work where they can help others. They are also drawn to anything that involves verbal or written communication. Although they like to finish what they have started, they also tend to move from idea to idea. Seekers are more interested in people than in things. They seek relationships because they must interact.
Task 17.Translate into English.
Козероги всегда добиваются успеха во всем, чем занимаются. Это один из самых работоспособных знаков Зодиака. Они редко меняют профессию и обычно становятся незаменимыми. Козероги часто достигают успеха в области экономики, финансов и политики: они могут быть хладнокровными бизнесменами и политиками, умеют заключать сделки и вести переговоры. Они честны, неподкупны, бескомпромиссны.
Рыбам подходят те профессии, где могут пригодиться их главные свойства – отзывчивость и гуманность. Неспешная, предполагающая упорство и настойчивость, выдержку, выносливость, терпение работа очень подходит Рыбам.
Для Овна работа – смысл жизни. Им подходят профессии, требующие смелости и храбрости, риска и мужества, сноровки и ловкости, моментальной реакции, решительности и уверенности, прозорливости и сообразительности, фантазии, честолюбия, такта и дипломатичности.
Скорпионы трудолюбивы и упорны, любят сложную работу, требующую много сил и воображения, мужества и воли. Восприимчивые и впечатлительные, эмоциональные Скорпионы находят свое призвание в мире искусства.
Task 18.Translate into English
Шесть советов психолога раздражительному человеку
1. Старайтесь не оставаться наедине со своими неприятностями. Поделитесь с доброжелательным и рассудительным человеком тем, что вас мучает. Сочувствие, участие, искренняя заинтересованность собеседника облегчат ваше состояние.
2. Умейте на время отвлечься от своих забот. Насущные заботы по работе или по дому хотя бы на время избавят вас от гнета тяжелых мыслей.
3. Не впадайте в гнев. Приучайте себя к паузе, предшествующей вспышке гнева. Хорошо, если в этот момент вы поймете, что гневные слова лишь чреваты новыми неприятностями. Физическая работа или упражнения поглотят ваш гнев.
4. Иногда нужно и уступить. Упрямо настаивая на своем, вы уподобляетесь капризным детям. Бойтесь быть капризными!
5. Нельзя быть совершенством абсолютно во всем. Не забывайте: таланты и возможности каждого ограничены. Старайтесь прежде всего отлично выполнять главную свою работу.
6. Не предъявляйте чрезмерных требований и не будете раздражаться оттого, что окружающие чаще всего не отвечают им.
Task 19 [A]. These are some words or phrases used in the passage to describe Mona Lisa. They describe her character or her physical appearance. Say if these are positive qualities or not.
enigmatic sinister lose her temper
a glint in her eyes bawdy callousness
a mole flab an unflinching gaze
plump greedy a spendthrift
fickle witty
[B].Now read the passage about Mona Lisa and note down those character traits that attract you and those that put you off.
There is endless speculation as to who Mona Lisa was and what her character might have been. It has been suggested that the lady with the enigmatic smile could be a self-portrait of the artist Leonardo da Vinci dressed as a woman. Her smile is the most famous in the world. Some see it as having a sinister aspect, described by the psychologist Sigmund Freud as expressing contrast between ‘the most devoted tenderness and a sensuality that is ruthlessly demanding’.
It is a slightly crooked smile because it is stronger on her left (on the right of the painting). The smile suggests that she told lies and traded insults whenever it best suited her or when she lost her temper, which probably occurred frequently.
The hint of a smile playing around those much-admired lips and the distinct glint in her eyes attest to her fun-loving ways and a bawdy sense of humour. But the fact that these lips are ‘bloodless’ warns the face watcher of her callousness.
If you examine her lips in the portrait, which hangs in the Louvre in Paris, you will notice a small mole on her top lip. A mole anywhere on the lips or immediately above the corners of the mouth signals indigestion and flatulence. Whatever embarrassment this might have caused it does not detract from the appeal of her pretty, elongated rosebud mouth, a shape which normally testifies to a romantic, dreamy lover.
Mona Lisa holds her head and face straight and as erect as a pillar, her steady and unflinching gaze affirming her dominant personality and worldly ways. She was probably a woman of high status, a gifted abstract thinker, and would therefore in modern times be considered eminently employable.
It would appear from the angle of her jaw that it ’dropped’ straight and below the ears. No face reading can be complete without a thorough study of the ears, which in her case are hidden, but Mona Lisa’s jaw suggests that she would have been successful in a sales career, or in publicity, public relations or in the hotel or travel industry. Moreover, a deep, smoothly rounded jaw such hers exhibits firmness and optimism, but the beginnings of flab developing below the chin together with those plump cheeks, disclose her fondness for pasta, rich Italian food, and the local, full-bodied Italian wines. Yes, she was definitely greedy.
That she was a spendthrift is evident from her nostrils, for nostrils which are visible when the face is viewed full-on, indicate their owner has a scant understanding of money, and so she should not have been given the control of the family (or company’s) budget. The nostrils, moreover, are narrow and the sides of her nose are flat, both features pointing to a rather untidy woman, who probably dropped her clothes, shoes, hairnets (in the portrait she wears one that flattens the top of her head) all over the parquet floor in the bedroom of a townhouse or palace near to Leonardo’s hometown of Vinci, between Pisa and Florence, in Tuscany.
Because the hairnet sweeps the hair off her forehead, we can see how smoothly rounded and curved her hairline grows. This type of perfectly rounded hairline spells out a clear message: Mona Lisa was fickle, an unreliable ‘friend’. Her forehead is longer and wider than the part of the face known as the low zone, which consists of the area between the nose tip and the jawline. This facial trait tells us that she had an IQ above average, that she was a fast learner, but being impractical and not wanting to spoil her elegant hands, she would not have been able to mend a broken vase or set a mousetrap.
A nose that is straight, long, thin and with a high bridge in addition to Mona Lisa’s peculiar type of nostrils generally belongs to a witty and engaging conversationalist, but one who is impatient with those unable to keep up with the wide range of topics discussed.
A final word about her eyes; very few of us have identically-shaped eyes, but she is an exception. The eyes are narrow and elliptical, signalling jealousy, and if she suspected that another woman was after her lover (or husband), she would punish the enemy by any means, foul or fair. Mona Lisa was definitely a sneak, but one who needed at least nine hours’ sleep each night, judging by the puffy eyelids which are clearly shown in the Leonardo portrait.
[C].The passage suggests various modern day jobs that Mona Lisa might be good at. Look at these jobs and briefly list the qualities you think they require. Then read the passage again to see if Mona Lisa would be suitable for the jobs. Give your reasons.
a teacher a secretary a politician a housewife
a mother an engineer an actress a lawyer
[D].Write a letter to the author of the passage on Mona Lisa saying what you think of her interpretation of Mona Lisa’s character, and why.
RAISING CHILDREN
Task 1.Read the extract below quickly and decide on an appropriate title.
‘Mom. That’s sort of why I called.’
‘Yes, darling?’
‘I want you to call Mr. Lassiter and tell him I won’t be in on Monday morning.’
‘Oh ... Mary Ann, I’m not sure you should ask for an extension on your vacation.’
‘It’s not an extension, Mom.’
‘Well, then why ...’
‘I’m not coming home, Mom.’
Silence. Then, dimly in the distance, a television voice began to tell Mary Ann’s father about the temporary relief of some disease. Finally, her mother spoke: ‘Don’t be silly, darling.’
‘Mom ... I’m not being silly. I like it here. It feels like home already.’
‘Mary Ann, if there’s a boy ...’
‘There’s no boy ... I’ve thought about this for a long time.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve been there five days!’
‘Mom, I know how you feel, but ... well, it’s got nothing to do with you and Daddy. I just want to start making my own life ... have my own apartment and all.’
‘Oh, that. Well, darling ... of course you can. As a matter of fact, your Daddy and I thought those new apartments out at Ridgemont might be just perfect for you. They take lots of young people, and they’ve got a swimming pool and a sauna, and I could make some of those darling curtains like I made for Sonny and Vicki when they got married. You could have all the privacy you ...’
‘You aren’t listening, Mom. I’m trying to tell you I’m a grown woman.’
A]. Answer the questions.
1. Where do you think Mary Ann is calling from?
2. What has she decided to do?
3. What’s her mother’s attitude to Mary Ann’s decision?
[B].Discuss the following problems.
- Family life isn’t always easy. Parents and children often have disagreements. Which of these problems can be the main cause of conflict between parents and children?
| fashion going out at night household chores the opposite sex leaving home |
Do – or did – you have any of these problems with your parents or children? What other issues can cause conflict in families?
- Comment on Ogden Nash’s quotation ‘A family is a unit composed not only of children, but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.’
Task 2.Translate into English.
1. Чтобы вырастить хорошего, доброго и здорового ребенка, родители должны позволить ему расти естественно, поощрять его, стараться избегать ловушек.
2. В переходном возрасте ребенок пытается добиться независимости от родителей, поэтому они должны позволять ему это делать, но мирно и без скандалов.
3. Родители должны сделать все возможное, чтобы ребенок ощущал себя частью семьи.
4. Задавая каверзные вопросы, дети ставят родителей перед выбором: солгать или дать смущающий их ответ.
5. Мудрый учитель тот, кто умеет расположить к себе ученика, веря в него, относясь к нему с пониманием и никогда не оскорбляя его.
6. Чтобы не причинить вреда ребенку в процессе его воспитания, необходимо контролировать свои эмоции, уметь сдерживать гнев и в разговоре с ним избегать фраз, которые могут создать напряженную атмосферу.
7. Многие ученые считают, что причина неполноценности у ребенка – неодобрение родителей и их вмешательство в естественный процесс взросления.
8. О наиболее эффективном подходе к воспитанию можно судить по уровню как физического, так и умственного развития ребенка.
9. Психологи пытаются ответить на вопрос, почему дети часто отвечают дерзостью и неуважением на любовь, внимание и понимание.
10. Если вы говорите ребенку что-либо обидное под влиянием момента, ему затем стоит объяснить, что вы просто вышли из себя и не имели в виду то, сто сказали.
11. Если вы чувствуете, что ребенок подливает масло в огонь, не слушает вас, постарайтесь сдержать себя, не кричать на него, даже если вам просто необходимо разрядиться.
12. Каждому ребенку лучше всего расти в атмосфере тишины и спокойствия, когда взрослые обращаются к нему дружелюбно, не заставляют его чувствовать себя смущенным.
13. Ответственные взрослые проявляют огромное терпение, чтобы создать в доме атмосферу любви, безопасности, заботы, уважения, терпения, поддержки, что является основой для счастливого дома. Тогда дети не чувствуют себя забытыми, они восприимчивы к чувствам других, честны, достаточно мудры, чтобы не спорить.
Task 3.Read the story of a family incident from a mother’s point of view. How would you describe the mother’s feelings?
[A]Find evidence in the text that the mother:
1. was worried or anxious
2. felt frightened
3. felt physically фsick
4. thought something terrible might have happened to her daughter
5. became emotionally upset
6. was relieved to find that her daughter was at her friend’s house
7. felt that she was to blame for her daughter’s behaviour
A MOTHER’S FONDNESS
I began to worry and fidget by half past five. Two buses had gone by and she had not come home from school. I thought of all the places she could go to and became afraid because there were so many. My husband was in Glasgow and my father, who lived with us, was on holiday. The house was empty. I was frightened, not because I was alone, but because I thought she would have phoned if she was going anywhere. My stomach turned, I felt hungry but could not eat, tired but could not sleep, tormented by my imagination.
At six o’clock I phoned her friend but she had no idea where she was and suggested I phone several people who were other school friends. I phoned them all, but no one knew, and they said they would phone back if they found out where she was. I took the car into town. There was a girl she was friendly with who lived in a house on the way to town, so I called in.
‘Elaine, have you seen Cathie?’ it was hard to speak as the cries of pain echoed through my head. I was too embarrassed to stay. I had started to cry and my eyes were red and sore. I went into all the cafes she talked of. It was no use. I went home and found myself waiting for the phone to ring. It did several times. It was always someone asking if I had found her.
At nine o’clock I answered the phone for the millionth time. It was Mrs Wilson, Elaine’s mother. She said Cathie was at their house. I felt as though the greatest load had been lifted from my heart. Again I took the car and drove back into town.
She was very quiet and looked at me coldly. She thanked Elaine and got into the car. We said nothing, but I wanted to be angry, I wanted to show how worried I had been. I knew she would not see my anger as love. It seemed as though she hated me and wanted to hurt me, but I could tell as she sat stiffly and unmoved that she had no idea this was possible. I was as pleasant as I could be and she answered all the countless questions in a calm indifferent manner. I had failed. I could not get through to her. She could not see the agony I had gone through because of her. It was my fault she was as she was. I had brought myself pain.
When we got home we watched television and it seemed as though nothing had happened at all. It was forgotten, pushed away out of sight. That night I prayed it would never happen again.
[B].You have read about a family incident from the mother’s point of view. You are now going to write the daughter’s view of the same incident. Before you start, plan your composition. Here are some guidelines:
• How will the daughter’s story differ from her mother’s?
• What will a reader want to find out from reading the girl’s story?
• Will the daughter write mainly about events or about her feelings?
Task 4.Read the text on the tips for parents of getting along with teenage children
How to Get Along With Your Teenager
Can teenagers and parents live together in peace and dignity?
Says Andy’s mother, “All I want is for my son to be happy and secure”.
Says 14-year-old Andy, “I wish she’d stop talking about my happiness. It is she who makes my life miserable. Her whining and worrying drive me crazy”.
It is always like this. As parents, our need is to be needed. As teenagers, their need is not to need us. We want to see our children happy, healthy and safe. Yet teenagers resent our unsolicited attention and advice. Help is perceived as interference, concern as babying, admonition as bossing.
It is bewildering for a parent to watch a pleasant child turn into an unruly teenager. Suddenly nothing suits him. His inner radar detects what irritates us most. If we value neatness, he will be sloppy. If we insist on good manners, he will interrupt conversations, use profanity and belch in company. If we enjoy language that has grace and nuance, he will speak slang. If we are concerned about health he will smoke like a chimney and wear summer clothes in freezing winter.
Our consolation (slight) is that there is method in his madness. His behavior fits his development. His personality is undergoing the required changes: from organization (childhood) through disorganization (adolescence) to reorganization (adulthood). He disobeys and rebels not to defy his parents but to define his own identity.
His task is tremendous, and time is short – too much is happening at once. There are somatic spurts, psychic urges, social clumsiness and painful self-consciousness. He is tormented by terror that he deems private and personal, unaware that these feelings are universal, that what pains him also pains mankind.
Even if he won’t acknowledge it, he needs our help. Here are a few guidelines for concerned parents:
Accept his restlessness and discontent.
Adolescence is often a time of personal agony. It is a time of uncertainty and self-doubt. It is an age of inconsistency and ambivalence. One does not help a teenager by asking, “What’s the matter with you? What has suddenly got into you?” These questions are unanswerable. He cannot say, “Look, Mum, I am torn by conflicting emotions I am burning with unfamiliar urges.” Parents can help most by tolerating this restlessness, respecting this loneliness, and accepting this discontent.
Differentiate between acceptance and approval.
You can tolerate unlikable behaviour without sanctioning it…
Don’t try to offer instant understanding.
When troubled by conflicts teenagers feel unique. None else ever felt this way before. They are insulted when told, “I know how you feel. At your age I felt exactly the same”.
It distresses them to seem so transparent, so simple when they feel complex mysterious and inscrutable. They are helped more by our attentive silence and active listening, than by instant advice.
“Don’t try to be like them…” Children are children, adults must be adults. Teenagers deliberately adopt a style of life that is different from ours. When we imitate their style, we only force them into further opposition.
Don’t invite dependence. Dependence invites resentment. A wise parent makes himself increasingly dispensableto his teenagers. Whenever possible, he allows them to make their own choice and use their own power. His language is deliberately sprinkled with sympathetic statements that encourage independence: “The choice is yours.” “ If you want to. It’s your decision”. A teenager appreciates a voice and choice in matters that affect his life.
Don’t violate his privacy. By providing our teenager with privacy, we demonstrate respect. We help him disengage himself from us and grow up. Some parents pry, read their teenagers mail and listen in on phone conversations. This enrages teenagers and makes them feel cheated.
Don’t belabour the future! In prodding a son or daughter to grow up many parents loudly lament the youngster’s future fate. “You will never be able to hold a job unless you learn to spell. You are practically illiterate.” Thus “reverse” psychology approach usually leads to spiteful behaviour and bad relations. Besides, children tend to live up to roles cast for them by their parents. Instead of predicting doom, merely indicate what needs to be done in a given situation.
Don’t judge opinions and taste. Parents usually react to their teenager’s statements with approval. Yet the most helpful response is often non-judgemental.
Set standards? Demonstrate values. Our teenagers need to know what we respect, what we expect, what we live by. They need limits: not restrictions set amidst anger and argument, but limits anchored in values. This is resist our values, test our limits. This is part of growing up. But a firm stand on values will have impact… our children don’t always like stands. But they do respect our strength and integrity. Our values give them the courage to stand alone when necessary to go against the crowd in refusing a drink, a drug, a rag race.
In summary, the cornerstone of our approval to teenagers is distinction between feelings and acts. We are permissive when dealing with feelings, strict when dealing with unacceptable behaviour. We respect their opinions and attitudes, but we reserve the right to redirect some acts. And, always, our silent love is their main support
Pre-reading
Brainstorm the notion “Parents vs. Teenage Children”. As a group (or in several smaller groups) draw up the semantic map of the notion consisting of no fewer than 20 vocabulary items.
While Reading
Read the article. As you read try to infer the meanings of the following words from the given contexts, then find their Russian equivalents (without using a dictionary):
admonition; self-consciousness; prod;
profanity; inscrutable; integrity
ambivalence; dispensable; rag-race
pry; belabour;
After reading
a) Please think of the gender distinctions as regards the reading above. The text uses the pronoun “he” only which, strictly speaking, is not quite correct gender-wise.
What do you think would have changed if you substituted “he” for “she” in the text (if anything at all)? In other words, do boys and girls differ when they grow older? If you think they do, say how, making all necessary changes in the text.
b) Father and mother. Who do you think is closer to a teenager? Does this depend on who the teenager is – a boy or a girl? If you think it does, say how. Give your reasons. How was it when you were one?