The prompt return of her property, offered the boy a shilling for his trouble. The lad refused to
Accept it, telling the lady he was a Boy Scout, and that no member of the Boy Scouts is allowed to
Accept any return for a service rendered. Just as the coin was about to be placed back in the
purse of the lady, the boy, looking up into her face, blurted out: "But my wee brother's not a Scout."
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38. A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. When they made it to the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to the bed. "What's a big
brass gong doing in your bedroom?", one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking
clock", the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?", asked his astonished friend. "Yup", replied
the drunk. "How's it work?", the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch", the drunk replied. He picked
Up a mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering whack and stepped back. The three stood looking at
one another for a moment. Suddenly, a voice from the wall screamed: "You asshole, it's ten past
three in the morning!"
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Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They sat down on a
Bench to rest. They overheard voices coming from a secluded spot. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy
Realized that a young man was about to propose. Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate
moment, she nudged her husband and whispered, "Whistle and let that young couple know that
someone can hear them." Murphy said, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."
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40. Over breakfast one morning a woman said to her husband,"I bet you don't know what day
this is." "Of course I do!" he indignantly answered, getting up from the table and going out the
Door to the office. At 10am, the doorbell rang. When the woman opened the door, she was
Handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red roses. At 1pm, a foil-wrapped, two-pound
Box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman
couldn't wait for her husband to come home. When he did, she exclaimed, "First the flowers, then
the chocolates and then the dress! I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog day in my life”
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41. A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says,
"Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to
marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits
them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one
I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The redhead in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma.
You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her."
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42. Take Off
During a taxi run, the crew of a US AIR flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose
to nose with a United 2771. The irate ground controller (a female) screamed, "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn right on "Charlie" taxiway; you turned right on "Delta”.
Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!"
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically." "God,
you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't
move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
tell you. You got that, US Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am." The ground
Control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her
current state. Tension in every cockpit at the airport was running high. Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"
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43. Maury's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would